The other day I found myself browsing around on Facebook and I noticed one of my old friends changed her status to single. As I was thinking about this, I came to a huge realization. I have wasted way too much time being jealous of other women. Here are a few examples.
Example one: aforementioned friend. I worked with this girl when I was a waitress at a crappy restaurant. This girl and I were completely inseparable for a while. Then, she met a guy and fell in love. And she fell FAST. After about a week she was telling me that she was in love! I was so incredibly jealous. All through high school and college I yearned for a boyfriend. I was so tired of being alone and my one good friend starts ditching me for a guy.
Fast forward to now. She got pregnant with this guy that she "loved" and he proposed to her. She said yes and spent over a year engaged but with no wedding date. Now, she is a single mom and is no longer with the guy. She is a waitress and has no college degree.
Example two: a friend from college. This friend wanted to be a model. She went to college but decided instead of using her degree, she would focus on modeling. Then she started seeing a guy that she was really happy with. I was (still) single and lonely. I didn't want to be a model but it would have been nice to be as gorgeous as this girl. She dated the guy for close to 4 years and they recently broke up. She never really got anywhere modeling and now just spends her time partying.
I, on the other hand, am married and extremely happy. The hubby and I are talking about starting a family soon and I am so excited! I am not in any way saying that I am better then these two friends or that they made bad decisions. I am just trying to say that comparing yourself to others is completely pointless and a waste of time. You never know what the future holds and you can never truly know what that person has to deal with in their lives. As of today, I am going to stop comparing my looks, clothes, job, husband, family, etc to other people. I am going to be grateful for what I have in my life and not waste any more energy being jealous.
P.S. On a totally unrelated note, in the middle of writing this post (at work) I heard some children playing in the hallway. I immediately stopped what I was doing to go see them. It is like I am DRAWN to children now. Everywhere I go I see them. I want one!!
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Other Than Allergies...Sort Of
I have been trying desperately to think of something to post besides the obvious bitching about how awful my allergies are right now. (Seriously though, they SUCK. Sore throat, stuffy and runny nose, sneezing, itchy and swollen eyes, and a rash. Yeah, I get a rash during the spring. TMI? Oh well, too bad.) I have had severe allergies since I was 6 months old and I have never met anyone who had them as bad as I do. I feel like such a freak during the spring. Everyone else is all “Oh it is so beautiful out!” and “Look at the blooming trees!” and “Let’s go for a walk!” I on the other hand, am like, “Screw you trees” and “Spring can kiss my ass” and “Don’t talk to me when we are outside because I am holding my breath.”
Anywho, I was trying to think of other interesting things about myself besides the fact that my body thinks that pollen is this horrible virus that MUST BE DESTROYED and I managed to come up with something. The longest I have lived in one place is 5 years. In fact, before college, the longest I was in one town was 3 years or less. I was actually in 3 different second grades due to the fact that we lived in one town for about 3 months and then moved again. My father is not in the military (always the first question I get when I tell someone how many times I have moved) but he did work for a company that moved him a lot. I completely LOATHED moving when I was younger (which I addressed in the previous post) especially when we moved in the middle of the school year. I cannot tell you how many times we moved and on the first day in a new class, the teacher made me stand up and tell the class “something about myself.” Gee, thanks teacher. I already feel like an outcast because I am new and you go and make is so much better by forcing me to stand up and talk in front of everyone.
I started out in Alabama and moved to Georgia when I was 5. My sister was born in Georgia and then we moved to South Carolina. After that we moved to Texas and then to Illinois. I started high school in Illinois and right before my senior year we moved back to Georgia (I wanted to punch my parents for that one. Instead, I stopped talking to them and spent the summer shoving food in my mouth and got nice and chubby for my senior year. My first day of school I wore a jean skirt that I thought looked pretty good. I asked my mom how I looked and she agreed that I looked good. I found out recently that I actually looked like a “stuffed sausage” but my mom was too scared to tell me since I was a giant ass to them that summer. Sweet. I guess I deserved that one.) After I graduated college, I moved back to Alabama to live with my grandparents until I could find a job back in Georgia. Luckily, my grandmother found me a job and I decided to stay in Alabama where I met my wonderful husband!
I do envy JJ sometimes because he has that “little town he grew up in where everyone knows him” and I don’t have anything like that. Looking back though, I am pretty grateful for the moving that we did. I still have friends in Georgia, Texas, and Illinois. I was also forced to be more social than I was comfortable with which has helped me become less introverted. So, Mom and Dad, please forgive me for being a total biatch every time we moved. You guys rock and I love you so much!
Anywho, I was trying to think of other interesting things about myself besides the fact that my body thinks that pollen is this horrible virus that MUST BE DESTROYED and I managed to come up with something. The longest I have lived in one place is 5 years. In fact, before college, the longest I was in one town was 3 years or less. I was actually in 3 different second grades due to the fact that we lived in one town for about 3 months and then moved again. My father is not in the military (always the first question I get when I tell someone how many times I have moved) but he did work for a company that moved him a lot. I completely LOATHED moving when I was younger (which I addressed in the previous post) especially when we moved in the middle of the school year. I cannot tell you how many times we moved and on the first day in a new class, the teacher made me stand up and tell the class “something about myself.” Gee, thanks teacher. I already feel like an outcast because I am new and you go and make is so much better by forcing me to stand up and talk in front of everyone.
I started out in Alabama and moved to Georgia when I was 5. My sister was born in Georgia and then we moved to South Carolina. After that we moved to Texas and then to Illinois. I started high school in Illinois and right before my senior year we moved back to Georgia (I wanted to punch my parents for that one. Instead, I stopped talking to them and spent the summer shoving food in my mouth and got nice and chubby for my senior year. My first day of school I wore a jean skirt that I thought looked pretty good. I asked my mom how I looked and she agreed that I looked good. I found out recently that I actually looked like a “stuffed sausage” but my mom was too scared to tell me since I was a giant ass to them that summer. Sweet. I guess I deserved that one.) After I graduated college, I moved back to Alabama to live with my grandparents until I could find a job back in Georgia. Luckily, my grandmother found me a job and I decided to stay in Alabama where I met my wonderful husband!
I do envy JJ sometimes because he has that “little town he grew up in where everyone knows him” and I don’t have anything like that. Looking back though, I am pretty grateful for the moving that we did. I still have friends in Georgia, Texas, and Illinois. I was also forced to be more social than I was comfortable with which has helped me become less introverted. So, Mom and Dad, please forgive me for being a total biatch every time we moved. You guys rock and I love you so much!
Friday, April 2, 2010
Acceptance
On April 4, 2003, I made a huge decision that would change my life forever. In honor of that decision seven years ago, I thought I would share it with you guys. It’s not something I talk about very often but it’s something that played a huge role in becoming the person I am today.
Growing up, I moved a lot. I was in 3 different second grades. The longest we stayed in one place was about three years. No, my father was not in the military. He did however, have a job that moved him around a lot. I hated the moving. I was really shy and having to leave my friends and start all over felt like torture to me at the time. Looking back, I am ashamed at how horrible I treated my parents during each move. I was so angry with them when they were just doing what they needed to do to best provide for us.
Another reason I hated the moving was because I was teased constantly. I had a really big nose. Really big. I had a large lump on the bridge of my nose. I hated it so much that when I saw a cute guy, I would do everything I could to not turn sideways so that he wouldn’t see how enormous my nose was. When someone was describing me, they said I was “the tall girl with the big nose.” Trust me, I overheard this numerous times. You know the feeling you get when you walk by a group of people and know they were just talking about you? I got that feeling almost every day. My senior year, I had a guy leave me a voicemail on my phone that was about 10 minutes long. The entire message consisted of him calling me awful names and telling me how ugly I was. I hardly even knew the guy. I had done nothing to him.
Shortly after that message I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe some people would have been strong enough to accept themselves and not let it bother them, but I wasn’t that strong. I decided to get a nose job. During spring break of my senior year, I did it. It was really rough and I was humiliated when I was told I had to wear tape on my nose to school for a couple of weeks, but I did it. I don’t have a tiny button nose. I still have my nose but it is a little improved.
Now, I don’t cry anymore when I look in the mirror. Sure there are things about me I would still change, and I have some off days, but I really do accept myself. I love my body. I love my face. I might have been able to get to this point without the surgery, but who knows? All I know is that I made the right decision for me and I am not ashamed of it.
Happy seven year anniversary, you beautiful nose!
Growing up, I moved a lot. I was in 3 different second grades. The longest we stayed in one place was about three years. No, my father was not in the military. He did however, have a job that moved him around a lot. I hated the moving. I was really shy and having to leave my friends and start all over felt like torture to me at the time. Looking back, I am ashamed at how horrible I treated my parents during each move. I was so angry with them when they were just doing what they needed to do to best provide for us.
Another reason I hated the moving was because I was teased constantly. I had a really big nose. Really big. I had a large lump on the bridge of my nose. I hated it so much that when I saw a cute guy, I would do everything I could to not turn sideways so that he wouldn’t see how enormous my nose was. When someone was describing me, they said I was “the tall girl with the big nose.” Trust me, I overheard this numerous times. You know the feeling you get when you walk by a group of people and know they were just talking about you? I got that feeling almost every day. My senior year, I had a guy leave me a voicemail on my phone that was about 10 minutes long. The entire message consisted of him calling me awful names and telling me how ugly I was. I hardly even knew the guy. I had done nothing to him.
Shortly after that message I decided I couldn’t take it anymore. Maybe some people would have been strong enough to accept themselves and not let it bother them, but I wasn’t that strong. I decided to get a nose job. During spring break of my senior year, I did it. It was really rough and I was humiliated when I was told I had to wear tape on my nose to school for a couple of weeks, but I did it. I don’t have a tiny button nose. I still have my nose but it is a little improved.
Now, I don’t cry anymore when I look in the mirror. Sure there are things about me I would still change, and I have some off days, but I really do accept myself. I love my body. I love my face. I might have been able to get to this point without the surgery, but who knows? All I know is that I made the right decision for me and I am not ashamed of it.
Happy seven year anniversary, you beautiful nose!
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